there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
honey bunches of taint.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
