you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
