I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
