My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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