i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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