No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
