I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
