Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
