sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
