Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
