the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
