I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
