So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
