I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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