Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize