just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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