Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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