Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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