I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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