I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
