I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
