dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
