Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
