Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
