Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
