road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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