Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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