Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
