A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
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