I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
