Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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