I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You may now shotgun with the bride
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
