dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
