so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
there is glitter all over my balls
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize