she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
