I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
