Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
