I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The beer is more important than you right now.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Im part way to drunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
