It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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