i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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