Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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