Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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