so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
