There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
