Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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