Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
