His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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