Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
