I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
