Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
