So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
