We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
