margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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