i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
