last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
false alarm. still invincible.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
