I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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