I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
