3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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