A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
