i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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