The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
