dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
