your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize