either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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