I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
