Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
