He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
