yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Randomize
