First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
