you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize